NON VEG JOKES ;2

Non Veg Jokes

1. Man to wife: Business is bad, if YOU learn TO cook we can remove servant.
Wife: If YOU learn how to fuck we can remove driver, gardener & watchman…

2. What is the difference between riding a bicycle & riding a woman? Riding a bicycle u fix your ass & move your legs. Riding a woman YOU fix ur legs & move YOUR  Ass!

3.  Girl goes TO repair umbrella. Umbrella man says:- Upper cloth has to be removed and rod has to b inserted. Girl says:- Do any thing but water shouldn’t go in !!!

4.  What bitches say during Sex – English Bitch – Oh yes, Oh Yes!!!!!!!!!! American Bitch – Yeah Baby, Yeah Baby!!!!!!!!! Pakistani Bitch – Ahista Abboo……AMMI JAAG jayegi !!!!!!!!!!

5. What do Bungee Jumping & Prostitutes have in common? With both pleasure lasts for 35 seconds and if the rubber breaks, you are fucked.

6.  What is the sex organ of an elephant and why? His foot. Beacuse if he stamps on you, you are fucked.

7.  What do you call two homos having sex? DANDIA What do you call a group of homos having sex? DISCO DANDIA

8. What do you call hundreds of homos having sex? LATHI CHARGE

9.  Ek mandir ki dewar pay likha tha: Agar ap gunah kar ke thak chuke hain to ander aaiye. Neeche lipistick se likha hua tha : Agar nahi thake hain to samne wale ghar main aaiye.

10. Majnu ne khuda se poocha: “Aye khuda tune ladki ki kamar kaisi banai mitti kam pad gayi ya rishwat thi khayi” Khuda ne jawaab diya: “Na mitti kam pad gayi na rishwat khai kamar dabai tabhi to chuchiyan (.) (.) Bahar aayi“

11.  Santa ek baar ek ladki ke saath sex karne laga to Ladki santa ka private saman dekh kar boli: “itna bada” Santa khushi se bola: “O ji hum punjabi hain hamara to sub kuch hi bada hota hai” Jab ladki ne apni salwaar utaari to santa uski choot dekh kar bola “Oye! Tusi vi punjabi ho“

12.  Ek ladka apne baap ko viagra ki ek goli toffee mein daal ke deta hai Aur kehta hai: “daddy sone se pehle kha lena” Baap kehta hai: “beta isse kya hoga?” Ladka bolta hai: “daddy agar toffee achi lage to mere takiye ke neeche chup chap 100 rupye rakh dena” Agle din ladka apne takiye ke neeche dekhta hai to use 1100 rupye milte hai Aur daddy ke paas ja ke kehta hai: “daddy meine to sirf 100 rupye rakhne ko kaha tha” Baap kehta hai: “beta meine to 100 hi rakhe the 1000 teri maa ki taraf se hain“

13.  Pehli Baar chudai Karane K Baad
Ladki LUND ko choom k Boli:
Aaj Mujhe Satya Ka Gyan Ho Gaya,
‘COKE’ ‘PEPSI’
Sab Bakwas
“MARD Ki LASSI”
Hi Bujhaye Asli Pyaas.

14.  Purani soch:-Karo ya Maro.
Nayi soch:-Marne se Phle kuch karo!
Ekdam Nai soch:- Jab tak kuch kar
nahi lete maro mat!
Hamari Soch:-Koi Bataega Sala
karna kya hai?

15.  Kaviyatri ki suhag raat ke baad uski
saheli ne pucha-Kaisi rahi
suhagraat?
Woh boli-
“Aaye the wo der se,
Dil jala diya,
Pehle kiye Darwaza band,
Fir deepak bhuja diya.
Pehle dabane lage
boob tatolkar,
Fir khelne lage
chaddi khol kar.
Ek jung aisi chidi palang par,
Gole wali toph rakh di surang par,
Mila sirf 9 minute ka maja,
Ab bhogni hai 9 mahine ki saja,
9 mahine baad aisa hoga vispot,
Jo ban jayega Bharat ke liye
1 your vote…

16. Paper Dene Or Sex Karne Ke Baad
Sari Girls Ki Feelings Same Hoti
Hai:Kitna Lamba Tha NaKash Thora
Time Or Mil JataTooba Pehle Kitna
Dar Lag Raha ThaPhir To Pata Hi
Nahi Chala Kab Ho GayaUff Teen
Ghante Tak To Meri Saans Hi Band
Ho Gayi ThiAagay Ka To Theek Tha
Peechay Ka Kitna Mushkil Tha Na.

17.  MARD hone k 6 fayade:
1. ‘Un Dino’ ka tension nahi hota.
2. Koi Heavy saaman latakta nahi
rahta(.)(.)
3. Nange bhi ghumo to kisi ki
bhavnaye nahi jagti.
4. Virgnity ka koi proof nahi hota.
5. Khujane pe hath geela nahi hota.
6. And above all, jaha chahe waha
moot sakte h.
IF U R MEN.!
Jiyo L**D utha k

18. Ek bus me Ladko & Ladkiyo ki team
Antakshari
Khel rahi thi
Girls Hum Tumko Harakar Hi
Dikhayenge,
Pichhe betha PAPPU BOLA :- Hum
Haar Gye, Chalo Ab Dikhao

19.  Ek Ladka bike se Aunty ko ghar
chhodne ja raha tha.Jab bhi aunty
ke boobs uski peeth se lagte, wo
kehta : “Na pintu na, ye aunty
he.”Ghar pahooch ke Aunty boli :
“Tu kis pintu ke sath baat kar raha
tha?”Ladka sharma ke bola :”aapke
nipples bar bar takra rhe the,, Mera
penis bar bar khada ho raha tha, to
me use samajha raha tha ke pintu
khada na ho, yeh to Aunty
hai.”Aunti boli : “Dhutt pagle,Aunty
to mai teri hu,Pintu ki nahi…. chal
andar”

20.  Most BOYS don’t like
Touch screen mobile,
YOU know why?
Jinhe dabane ki aadat ho,
Unhe bas touch karne
me kahan maza aayega…!!!!

21.  Azam Khan- Sirji election time kitna
boring hai, chalo kuch game khelte
hain…
Mulayam- Chal dekhte hai hum
dono mein se sabse bada bakchod
kon hai..!

22.  Teacher Ne Class Mein Pappu Se Pucha
Teacher: “Batao Ladkiya Dupatta Kyun Pahnti Hai?”
Pappu: “Mam, Science Ki Wajah Se”
Teacher: “Wo Kaisi”
Pappu: “Kyunki Science Bhi Is Baat Ko Manti Hai Ki Khane Peene Ki Cheezo Ko Dhakk Kar Rakhna Chahiye“

23.  Marzi Ka Sex Pap Nahi Hota..Piche se
Dalne Wala Kabhi Baap nahi
Hota..Condom Zarur Lagana Mere
DostQki..Sex k Waqt POPAT Ke Pass
Dimag nahi hota.

24.  What’s the difference between
movies having Certificate – U, A, XX,
XXX?
U: Hero gets the heroine
A: Villain gets the heroine
XX: All the actors get the heroine
XXX: Entire shooting unit gets the
heroine
??????

25. BE A FRIEND LIKE WOMAN’S BRA
COLOURFUL
COMFORTABLE
STRETCHEABLE
SUPPORTIVE
HOLDING TIGHTLY
NEVER LET GO DOWN
ALWAYS NEAR THE HEART

26. Pappu: Dad, today they taught
about Sex in the class.
Santa: Ok son.
Later he saw Pappu shaking his
penis, he asked what r u doing?
Pappu: Homework Dad….

28.  4 stages of relationship:
– Hand in hand.
– Hand in that.
– That in hand.
– That in that.
If you know what i mean..

29.  Man In Bar Orders Kingfisher Beer.
Lady Next To Him- What A Co-
incidence, Even I Have Ordered
Kingfisher.
Man- I’m Celebrating.
Lady- Me too.
Man- What A Coincidence.
Why are you Celebrating?
Lady- My Husband & I Have Tried 4
Yrs For A Baby..
Today I’m Pregnant.
Man- What A Coincidence
I Am A Farmer From 4 Yrs My Hens
Were Infertile, Today All Laying Eggs
Lady- Wow How Did That Happen?
Man- I Used A Different Cock .
Lady SMILED & Said
WHAT A COINCIDENCE…!!!!!!!

30. Little Student: Madam, when I grow up,
how will my wife have a baby?
Teacher: (after thinking for sometime)
An angel will come from heaven &
hand
over a baby to your wife.
Student: so who do I need to fuck ??
wife or angel ?

31.  A Guy with 25 inch Long penis to
God : I can’t live with this long penis..
God : Go to that Lake,
U will find a Female Frog. Ask her to
Marry u,
she’ll say No & U will Lose 5 inch.
He Went & asked the Frog : will u
Marry me?
Frog : No
He Lost 5 inches.
He thought 20 inch is still Long.
So he asked again : will u Marry Me?
Frog : No
He Lost 5 inches More.
He thought 15 inch is Great,
But 10inches is Ideal
So he asked again : will u Marry me?
Frog : How many Times do I have to
tell u?
NO! NO! NO!
khel khatam
laude lag gaye !

32.  4 Gals take lift in a Car full of
Engineers
Since no place, sat on their lap
After 10min
…Grl1:r u Telecom Engr
Boy1:how u know
Grl1:ur Tower is comunicating wit
my Unreachble area
Grl2:r u Computer Engnr?
Boy2:how u know?
Grl2:ur Pen drive is trying to
connect wit my USB Drive
Grl3:r u Automobile Engr?
Boy3:how u know?
Grl3:ur Piston is trying to move
into my Cylinder
Grl4: r u Civil Engr?
Boy4:how u know?
Girl4:ur Dam had broken &
flooded my Village;)

33.  Salesgirl: sorry sir you can’t smoke here.
Customer: but I bought cigarette from this shop.
Salesgirl: we shall sell condom also but it doesn’t mean you start fucking here.

34. Nurse came out with a new born kid. Sardar rushed to take the kid and after seeing screamed, I got son. Nurse slapped him, leave my finger you fool, it’s a girl.

35.  Man charged for necrophilia judge: I haven’t seen such a case in 20 years. Can you give me one reason why you did it? Man: I can give three 1. Its none of your business. 2. She was my wife and 3. I don’t know she was dead as he always behaved this way during sex. He was pardoned.

36.  A dancer bends down, a USA guy puts $100 in her panty; English guy puts $200 in her panty. A Sardar took his ATM card, swipes between her ass and takes all $300.

37.  Maid cleaning bedroom found a used condom and keeps looking at it. Madam asks: don’t you have sex in the village? Maid: yes we do, but not till the skin fall off.

38. Boy: how much calcium is there in woman’s breast?

Girl: I don’t know but it has enough calcium to help man boneless things stand up.

39.  Man1: my wife is afraid of water?
Man2: how do you know?
Man1: Last night when I returned home, she was in the bathroom tub with our security guard.

40.  A girl wearing a very short skirt.
Boy: wont your mom tells anything about your dress?
Girl: my mom will be very angry because I am wearing hers.

41.  Lady: my breast look smaller.
Doctor: come daily for one hour I will suck it and make it bigger.
Lady: my husband sex organ is also small, shall I bring him.

42. Wife read a book and tells her husband, a bull ucks 300 times a year. You don’t do quarter of that. Husband: does the book say the bull ucks the same cow?

43. Don’t play with street dogs, you may get rabies and don’t play with smart boys you may get babies.

44.  Boy: I am 20years old, what about you?
Girl: I am also 20 years old.
Boy: then come to my bed room,
Girl: for what?
Boy: For playing 20-20.

45.  Johny came crying,
dad: what happened?
Johny: today at class when we got up from our seats for prayer, Rita, who sits in front of us, had her skirt stuck between her ass, seeing that my bench mate pulled it out.
Dad: that’s bad, but why you are crying?
Johny: I knew that’s bad, so I pushed it back into her ass and she slapped me.

46.  During Gandhi times, if aids were known, what would happen? Then the 4th monkey would have kept his hands down.

47.   Biology class master: all of you draw the male reproductive system. Student: sir please close your zip, girls are copying.

48.  Monkeys and girls are same, because they fight only for banana. Boys and rats are same because they are always searching for new holes.

49.  Girl is the best vehicle in the world front two bumpers, back two bumpers, self lubricant when hot, finger touch ignition, monthly automatic engine oil change, every type of piston fits, highest mileage of nine months in just two ml fuel.

50.  Why bays walk fast and girl speak more? Because boys have one extra leg and girls have one extra mouth.
Telugusamethalu #తెలుగుసామెతలు,meaning#telugusaamethalu pdf,telugusaamethalufunny,telugu saamethalu in english,telugu saamethalu in telugu script,telugu saamethalu telugu,samethalu,saamethalu #Telugu  #telugusaamethalu with #examples. Every language has specific phrases often carved out of the culture. Phrases uses common references and examples related to the groups of people speaking the language. "#TeluguSamethalu" 




SAMETHALU


[తెలుగు సామెతలు] 
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has a wide collection of common phrases [సామెతలు] in Telugu [తెలుగు]language
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